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Understanding the Five Love Languages

Understanding the Five Love Languages

Whether you’re with someone long-term, only starting to date, or just friends, knowing how to communicate with a partner is an essential component to a successful relationship. In 1992, marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman wrote “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts,” a book that would change how many people thought about how they express their love. 

What Is a Love Language?

Love languages, as Chapman called them, define different preferences for the ways one shows affection and cares for another person. According to the five love languages theory, each person has at least one language that they prefer over the other. Understanding your partner’s language as well as your own is extremely beneficial. 

[Related: How a Personal Assistant Can Empower You to Strengthen Household Relationships]

The Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation

With this love language, words speak louder than actions. Hearing words and phrases such as “I love you,” “You look great,” or “I appreciate you” makes you feel the most loved. Encouragement, kind words, verbal expression of feelings, and compliments build you up, while insults or arguments can be particularly upsetting.

Physical Touch

Hand-holding, thoughtful touches during conversation, hugging, and kissing — all of these are great ways to show care and affection if your partner’s primary love language is physical touch. Platonic touches such as patting someone on the back or more intimate, romantic touches are crucial, while the absence of physical presence can be detrimental and leave individuals feeling abandoned in the relationship.

Quality Time

For those who prefer the love language of quality time, nothing is better than simply being with your partner. Whether you are engaging in a fun activity that excites you both or relaxing at home without other distractions, this is the best way to show deep and unwavering connection to your significant other. Individuals who relate to this love language can be particularly hurt by a distracted, distant, or extremely busy partner.

Acts of Service

Taking out the trash, helping them with planning family events, or doing anything to ease the responsibilities of someone who prefers acts of service as their love language will speak volumes. These individuals feel the most loved when their partner helps them lighten their mental load and understands when they’re stressed. 

Receiving Gifts

This love language doesn’t rely on spending a bunch of money on lavish gifts — it’s more about the thoughtfulness and effort of giving. The key gesture could be picking up flowers on your way home from work, making a pot of coffee for them before they wake up, or grabbing their favorite snack at the grocery store. These gifts and gestures make those who relate most to this love language feel appreciated and special. 

What’s My Love Language?

Think about how you express love and how you enjoy receiving expressions of love. Do you value long conversations, intimate touch, small tokens of appreciation, or simply being with your partner? You can also take the official quiz on Dr. Chapman’s website to determine how much you value each love language, and to learn more about each one. Open up this discussion with those around you and begin putting that love language in practice, and you might find yourself becoming closer with your partner and feeling more connected.

[Related: Why There Is No Shame in Asking for Help]

How Does Understanding Love Languages Help My Relationship?

In some relationships, miscommunication happens when you don’t understand your partner’s love language. They can be expressing love in their own way, but without understanding which love language they prefer, you might not realize it. Most partners have different love languages, but understanding them and deciphering which one you and your partner respond to the most will help you communicate and keep a lasting, loving relationship. 

[Related: How to Decide Which Personal Tasks to Outsource]

Is your love language quality time, but you never seem to have enough space on your schedule to simply relax with your partner? Contact Pepper’s Personal Assistants and let us clear up that to-do list so you can create some loving memories together. Maybe your preferred language is acts of service. We can assist by taking care of household tasks, cleaning, and errands for you and your loved one. 

Whatever your love language is, Pepper’s Personal Assistants is ready to help ease your mind and free your time to nurture your relationship.

What to Know About Mental Load

What to Know About Mental Load

If you’ve ever sat down to complete a task while at the same time dealing with the stress of planning out several other things, you’ve experienced the invisible, seemingly endless work called “mental load.” Mental load is the sum of the behind-the-scenes responsibilities you have to keep in mind to keep your career, family, and household running smoothly. 

For example, a mother may be at work, organizing her daily office duties, while at the same time making lists in her head of what she needs to tackle when she gets home. What food is already in the kitchen and what does she need to grab from the grocery store to make dinner? What time should she leave in order to beat traffic, and should she text her partner to pick up their kids from school, or will they even know the school pick-up routine? Speaking of school, winter vacation starts soon, meaning a whole new routine will need to go into effect — and at the same time, holiday decorating and shopping still needs to get done. 

All of this thinking, pre-planning, and mental organizing that occurs before any task is actually tackled, is considered a mother’s mental load. This type of emotional labor essentially doubles the actual work that needs to be done, increasing stress levels significantly and even causing resentment in partnerships and marriage. Although a lot of us have the idea we can handle it all, since the responsibility to do so has been ours for so long, it can actually be beneficial to reach out for help.

Where Did the Term “Mental Load” Come From?

The term mental load was recently popularized in a comic by cartoonist Emma Clit titled “You Should Have Asked.” The cartoon describes the day of a woman, a working mother, trying to juggle everything from work duties to her home life, while at the same time stressing out over future tasks and not being satisfied with the balance between what she does and what her partner does.

Does Mental Load Affect Women More Than Men?

Statistically, women are the ones managing the household(even as they become more prevalent in the workforce), this invisible work often falls on mothers. Picking up the kids from daily activities, preparing meals, doing the laundry, making sure they’re dressed, helping with homework, and all the paperwork that comes with school — these are all tasks that increase the mental load on mothers. 

According to a parenting study commissioned by Bright Horizons in 2017, women are three times as likely to be the runner of their children’s schedules, and two times as likely to be the sole individual responsible for making sure all family chores and routines are handled.

Why Am I Taking on Mental Load?

You may feel like taking on more than your fair share of mental load comes naturally to you. As women, we have been socialized to feel a sense of duty and expectation in fulfilling the role as caregiver, nurturer, and homemaker. Keeping things running smoothly and making others happy can give you a nice feeling, but too much work can be detrimental to your mental health and cause resentment toward other members of your household who may not be helping out as much as you need.

What Can I Do to Minimize My Mental Load?

Dividing up or equalizing your mental load is unfortunately not easy, since once you make a job of asking for help and having to brief someone on what that entails, it runs the risk of becoming another task on that invisible to-do list. However, reaching out and ensuring your partnership or marriage takes on more of an equal balance can be advantageous to not only your own mental health, but the health and happiness of your household as well. 

Another option is hiring a personal assistant. Take a moment to write down all of the planning, scheduling, and organizing that goes into your  daily life, and consider hiring a personal assistant to take care of things such as grocery shopping, housecleaning, running errands, and making appointments. A personal assistant can help lighten your mental load and make the day run smoother by taking care of recurring tasks that otherwise clutter your mind.

Contact Pepper’s Personal Assistants today to find someone who can help balance your mental load and free up some space for self-care and relaxation.

How to Successfully Prepare for the Holidays

How to Successfully Prepare for the Holidays

The holidays are right around the corner, and the pressure that comes with them can be enough for anyone to want to lock the doors and shutter the blinds until the new year. A recent survey by Healthline shows that 65% of Generation X and 61% of millennials feel some sort of increase in stress around the holidays. 

Don’t panic — the holidays should be something you enjoy! Give yourself enough time and follow some of these tips and you’ll be able to relax with your family and friends in no time.

Brainstorm

Grab a notebook and start jotting down all of your thoughts and expectations for the next month. Write down every event you anticipate attending or hosting, the important traditions you’d like to uphold, potential travel plans, what foods you’d like to make, and what gifts you’d like to give. 

Once you have everything written down, take a moment and then revisit your pages with a more critical eye. Consider what is essential to your idea of the holiday season, how much time you have available, daily commitments, and the fact that you also need to sleep. See what you can comfortably cut down on, and then start scheduling out the rest. Some people swear by using a separate holiday-only planner, or using a special font or color on your online calendar. Once you can see everything you want to do planned out in front of you, handling everything becomes much easier.

To-Do List

After eliminating unnecessary or unrealistic events, tasks, and travel plans during your brainstorming session, creating a to-do list is your next step. You may opt to make a few different to-do lists, one for events, one for shopping and gifts, and a miscellaneous catch-all. What’s coming first? What do you need extra time to do? Hiring a personal assistant to take care of your to-do list can take a lot off of your plate and be extremely helpful during the holiday season.

[Related: How Stress Affects Your Health]

Shopping

Your to-do list will make shopping for groceries, decorations, supplies, and gifts a much more organized experience. think about purchasing the majority of the things you need online to avoid the chaos of holiday crowds and impossible parking situations. If you choose to go the online shopping route, double-check the estimated arrival date so that you aren’t scrambling at the last minute. 

If you have the option to get things gift-wrapped for you, consider taking advantage of it to save you time and stress. Not a big online shopper, and want to avoid the crowds and put your money where your mouth is? Support local, small businesses for unique gifts and ethical spending. Complete your holiday shopping as soon as possible to beat the crowds and prevent last-minute stress. Or better yet, with the help of a personal assistant, they can check everything off your shopping list for you.

Clean & Decorate

Revisit your brainstorming work, holiday calendar, and to-do lists and highlight everything that mentions cleaning and decorating. If you’re able to, reserve a weekend or a few weekday afternoons to tackle the house. A 2011 study conducted by Princeton University concluded that a cluttered environment can make it more difficult to focus on a specific task. When your environment is cleaner, organizing your thoughts becomes easier and you’ll feel more relaxed. 

Make space for new things and designate where presents, decorations, and areas for entertaining will be. Don’t forget to empty out your refrigerator to make room for all of the delicious foods that will inevitably come with holiday gatherings. 

Consider making your bedroom a calm, holiday-free sanctuary. Keep it gift and prep-free if doing so makes you feel calmer. You’re going to want a place to relax and have a clear mind during the festivities.

Prepping Meals

When it comes to cooking, if you can make anything ahead of time and freeze it properly, never feel bad about doing so. Look up and gather all of your recipes for the next few weeks and try to minimize the amount of trips you take to the grocery store. You can even opt to have your groceries delivered to your door through apps such as Amazon Fresh, Instacart, and other store-specific programs. You could also hire a personal assistant to take care of your holiday grocery list and meal prep to save you even more time.

Self-Care

Make self-care and personal time a priority during these hectic days. Don’t overbook yourself, keep some evenings or mornings free, and try to eat healthy, hydrate, and take time to just breathe. Always remember — it’s okay to ask for help.

Enjoy Friends and Family

Through all of the chaos, gift-wrapping, cleaning, and traveling, don’t forget that the holidays are about spending quality time with friends and family, and being thankful for the love and support that surrounds you.

Pepper’s Personal Assistants is ready to help you tackle the holidays, whether it be by assisting with household management, planning trips, running errands, or getting your house ready for guests. Contact us today for a consultation!


[Related: Why a Personal Assistant Will Save Your Sanity This Holiday Season]

How Stress Affects Your Health

How Stress Affects Your Health

We’ve all experienced stress at one time or another, but do you know what stress actually is?

Stress is your body’s reaction to any demand or change in your environment that requires you to respond or adjust. Stress-provoking changes are often negative (such as a job loss or death in the family) but can also be positive (such as a promotion or a baby being born). Whatever the reason for stress, your body reacts to it with mental, emotional, and physical responses.

Here are a few more things you should know about stress, how it affects your health, and how to keep it under control.

Not All Stress Is Bad

We often think of stress in a negative way, but it’s not inherently bad. Stress is actually part of the body’s built-in fight or flight response, which causes physiological changes (quickening pulse and breath, tensing muscles, increased oxygen supply to the brain, and so on) that prepare your body to face a challenge. In emergencies, this stress response could help you survive.

Stress can also help encourage you to achieve something: It might prompt you to prepare for an upcoming job interview or trip.

[Related: How Life Stressors Affect Work Productivity]

Effects of Chronic Stress on Your Health

Stress becomes problematic when it turns chronic. The source of your stress may be constant, or you may continue to feel stressed even when the stressful situation has passed. Routine or constant stress is especially hard to notice, as your body gets no signal to resume normal functioning and a strained state becomes your new normal.

Whatever the cause of your chronic stress, the same physiological responses that help during fight or flight situations will start to affect your health negatively. Different people experience stress in different ways, but side effects often include:

  • Headaches
  • Upset stomach
  • High blood pressure
  • Chest pain
  • Sexual dysfunction
  • Skin conditions
  • Sleeplessness
  • Depression
  • Panic attacks
  • Anxiety and worry
  • Weight loss or gain

And while you may think that stress doesn’t affect you, stress is actually highly prevalent

  • Between 75% and 90% of all doctor’s visits are related to stress-induced complaints.
  • 43% of adults experience adverse health effects because of stress.
  • According to the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA), stress is a hazard in the workplace and costs American industry over $300 billion every year.

 

[Related: Why Self-Care Is Crucial, and How to Make the Time for It]

How to Manage Stress

Luckily, certain steps can help you reduce and manage your stress and lead a healthier, happier life. Try to:

  • Practice self-care.
  • Get enough sleep.
  • Exercise.
  • Eat well.

 

[Related: 15-Minute Habits That Add Balance to Your Day]

Of course, one of the best ways to feel less stressed is to call in some help.

Pepper’s Personal Assistants can help when you’re overwhelmed with a messy house, family visiting, the upcoming school year, an approaching trip, or all of the above. In addition to handling chores, household management, and errands, we can organize, plan trips and events, and get your house ready for guests. Stressful situations are our specialty.

Contact us today for a complimentary consultation!

Featured image via Unsplash

Giving Feedback to Your Personal Assistant: Radical Candor

Giving Feedback to Your Personal Assistant: Radical Candor

A personal assistant can take your life from unorganized and overwhelming to structured and manageable. However, this change won’t happen overnight: You’ll first have to invest in communication to show your personal assistant how they can best help you. 

In the beginning, this may mean spending 80% of your time communicating in order to get 20% of your time back. The more you communicate, the sooner you’ll be spending just 20% of your time communicating to get 80% of your time back. 

The investment is well worth the initial time commitment: Open communication helps build an environment of trust, one in which your personal assistant can feel confident enough to take ownership of your household tasks, and you can feel confident in their ability to do so. You’ll enjoy peace of mind knowing that your to-dos are getting done without having to oversee them.

[Related: How to Be Successful With Your Personal Assistant]

But as straightforward and beneficial as this environment of open communication may sound, many people still fail to provide the feedback that’s necessary to achieve it.

To promote successful relationships between our clients and personal assistants, Pepper’s Personal Assistants recommends the approach of Radical Candor™.

Radical Candor™

Radical Candor™ is a new management philosophy that involves caring personally while challenging directly and providing guidance that is kind, clear, specific, and sincere.

This approach can be challenging for a couple reasons. First, we often assume that feelings have no place in a professional environment. But building a strong relationship with someone requires caring personally about them. Both of you should feel safe and comfortable enough to show vulnerability, such as admitting when you’re having a bad day.

[Related: Why There Is No Shame in Asking for Help]

And second, the saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” has probably been ingrained in your mind since you were old enough to talk. But successful client-personal assistant relationships require providing feedback, and providing feedback requires challenging directly. Rather than coming across as a criticism, challenging directly shows your personal assistant that you care about them and their success in their role.

Remember that your personal assistant wants to make your life easier, so if they aren’t, they want to know. Realizing that the feedback you give your personal assistant allows them to improve their work — and thus gain more satisfaction from it — allows you to reframe your feedback as a gift.

[Related: How to Be the Best Personal Assistant]

How to Embrace Radical Candor™

What does Radical Candor™ look like? If you want your personal assistant to complete a task differently or in a specific way, let them know right away. At the same time, your personal assistant should be open with you if they are uncomfortable performing a certain task or uncertain about how something should be done.

Image via Radical Candor™

 

Radical Candor™ may be hard to put into practice at first, but understanding what is not Radical Candor™ helps:

  • Obnoxious Aggression™: When you challenge someone directly without showing that you care about them personally, you exhibit Obnoxious Aggression™. Often referred to as front stabbing or brutal honesty, Obnoxious Aggression™ may be a valid criticism but isn’t delivered kindly.
  • Ruinous Empathy™: When you care personally but don’t challenge directly because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, you exhibit Ruinous Empathy™. You may feel like you’re being nice, but your lack of specific feedback isn’t helpful in the long term.
  • Manipulative Insincerity™: When you neither challenge directly nor care personally, you exhibit Manipulative Insincerity™. Manipulative Insincerity™ is often called passive-aggressive behavior or backstabbing, and could manifest in the form of insincere praise or flattering someone to their face but criticising them behind their back. 

Let this framework guide you as you interact with your personal assistant, but remember that everyone exhibits the above behaviors at one time or another. They aren’t personality types — just a compass to help guide you toward Radical Candor™.

Final Tips and Takeaways

To embrace Radical Candor™, we encourage our clients to offer their personal assistants feedback on a regular basis by scheduling a standing weekly meeting, either in person or via phone. Clients should also send notes in Slack as soon as an issue arises. Think of feedback as a tool that will help grow your relationship with your personal assistant and build trust.

Of course, we always appreciate positive feedback as well! Letting your personal assistant know what they’re doing well enables them to continue doing it that way in the future.

For more help embracing Radical Candor™ with your personal assistant, contact us. We are dedicated to cultivating client-personal assistant relationships that are both positive and productive. 

 

Featured image via Pixabay