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What to Know About Mental Load

mother and daughter washing their hands

If you’ve ever sat down to complete a task while at the same time dealing with the stress of planning out several other things, you’ve experienced the invisible, seemingly endless work called “mental load.” Mental load is the sum of the behind-the-scenes responsibilities you have to keep in mind to keep your career, family, and household running smoothly. 

For example, a mother may be at work, organizing her daily office duties, while at the same time making lists in her head of what she needs to tackle when she gets home. What food is already in the kitchen and what does she need to grab from the grocery store to make dinner? What time should she leave in order to beat traffic, and should she text her partner to pick up their kids from school, or will they even know the school pick-up routine? Speaking of school, winter vacation starts soon, meaning a whole new routine will need to go into effect — and at the same time, holiday decorating and shopping still needs to get done. 

All of this thinking, pre-planning, and mental organizing that occurs before any task is actually tackled, is considered a mother’s mental load. This type of emotional labor essentially doubles the actual work that needs to be done, increasing stress levels significantly and even causing resentment in partnerships and marriage. Although a lot of us have the idea we can handle it all, since the responsibility to do so has been ours for so long, it can actually be beneficial to reach out for help.

Where Did the Term “Mental Load” Come From?

The term mental load was recently popularized in a comic by cartoonist Emma Clit titled “You Should Have Asked.” The cartoon describes the day of a woman, a working mother, trying to juggle everything from work duties to her home life, while at the same time stressing out over future tasks and not being satisfied with the balance between what she does and what her partner does.

Does Mental Load Affect Women More Than Men?

Statistically, women are the ones managing the household(even as they become more prevalent in the workforce), this invisible work often falls on mothers. Picking up the kids from daily activities, preparing meals, doing the laundry, making sure they’re dressed, helping with homework, and all the paperwork that comes with school — these are all tasks that increase the mental load on mothers. 

According to a parenting study commissioned by Bright Horizons in 2017, women are three times as likely to be the runner of their children’s schedules, and two times as likely to be the sole individual responsible for making sure all family chores and routines are handled.

Why Am I Taking on Mental Load?

You may feel like taking on more than your fair share of mental load comes naturally to you. As women, we have been socialized to feel a sense of duty and expectation in fulfilling the role as caregiver, nurturer, and homemaker. Keeping things running smoothly and making others happy can give you a nice feeling, but too much work can be detrimental to your mental health and cause resentment toward other members of your household who may not be helping out as much as you need.

What Can I Do to Minimize My Mental Load?

Dividing up or equalizing your mental load is unfortunately not easy, since once you make a job of asking for help and having to brief someone on what that entails, it runs the risk of becoming another task on that invisible to-do list. However, reaching out and ensuring your partnership or marriage takes on more of an equal balance can be advantageous to not only your own mental health, but the health and happiness of your household as well. 

Another option is hiring a personal assistant. Take a moment to write down all of the planning, scheduling, and organizing that goes into your  daily life, and consider hiring a personal assistant to take care of things such as grocery shopping, housecleaning, running errands, and making appointments. A personal assistant can help lighten your mental load and make the day run smoother by taking care of recurring tasks that otherwise clutter your mind.

Contact Pepper’s Personal Assistants today to find someone who can help balance your mental load and free up some space for self-care and relaxation.

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“Sarah has been such a reliable support—always proactive, spotting things that need to be done before I even ask, and taking care of them. She has such a positive attitude and is constantly looking for ways to add value and make things easier. And I love how much happier and more spoiled my dogs are thanks to her care. I barely have to think about her day-to-day, and I mean that in the best way possible!”

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“Bernice is simply amazing—I just can’t say enough good things about her. She excels at physical tasks and knows my habits so well that she can anticipate my needs without me even saying anything. As a house manager, she’s exceptional; she takes care of all those little things that I wouldn’t even think of. Over time, we’ve developed a wonderful rhythm, and it’s such a relief to have someone who just knows what needs to be done and does it effortlessly.”

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“My PA has truly exceeded my expectations. I really enjoy coming home now because everything in my home is something I know and love. She’s helped me with tasks I didn’t even know where to begin, and her ability to do the background work and present options has been invaluable. She has made it possible for me to manage things without feeling overwhelmed, and it’s been a game changer for me!”

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“My PA Tess is proactive and handles everything beautifully, from small tasks that bring joy to big projects like planning trips. She balances recurring tasks with high-priority work, and everything gets done perfectly. I didn’t realize how much joy small things like making the bed could bring until Tess started doing them. She has truly made a difference in our home, bringing both efficiency and a level of organization and joy we didn’t realize we needed.”

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Kathy M.

Back-to-School Unmatched Support

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Libby

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“[I] really do think Kandis is setting the bar! Having a new person come into your house can go either way. [I’m] very grateful for the time and energy and people that Pepper’s has. It’s a big step; no suggestions around onboarding. [I’m] really happy that we were able to board Kandis quickly; super happy for the West Seattle support.”

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